Chapter 19 - Margaret’s Last Visit
Margaret developed cancer at seventy four.
Not moral punishment.
Just disease.
She had rebuilt limited relationship with girls.
Never unsupervised when young; later teens chose.
She wanted see me.
I said no initially.
Then months later:
Yes.
At hospice facility.
She looked small.
Cardigan.
Rosary.
Same kind.
My body remembered backyard doorway.
She saw.
“I wore wrong sweater.”
I almost laughed.
“It's fine.”
Then:
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“I keep thinking about your face in dirt.”
I stared.
“I told him leave you there.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I thought pain taught wives not to challenge husbands.”
There.
Then:
“My husband taught me.”
Richard’s father deceased before story? We hadn't mentioned. Margaret was widowed. She said:
“Richard's father controlled me. Not like Richard hurt you physically maybe, but he controlled.”
I did not let excuse.
“So you knew.”
She closed eyes.
“Yes.”
Then:
“Why repeat?”
“Because admitting it was wrong meant my whole marriage wasn’t what I told myself.”
Honest.
Then:
“I made you pay for my denial.”
Yes.
Then children.
“I told Lily pregnancy was your fault.”
“Yes.”
“That is thing I hate most.”
I thought assault enabling worse.
But for her.
Then:
“Do you forgive?”
I considered.
“For some.”
She smiled weakly.
“Enough.”
Then:
“Do you want Richard and Carla to bring Owen?”
“Not my decision.”
She laughed.
“You always say.”
Then:
“Would you have wanted son?”
The question surprised.
“What?”
“After two girls.”
“I wanted healthy children.”
Then:
“Twins?”
“I wanted them because they were mine.”
No sex.
She cried.
Then:
“I wish I understood.”
I stood to leave.
“Emily.”
“Yes?”
“You were never leech.”
“No.”
“I know now.”
I nodded.
She died month later.
Girls attended funeral.
I went not.
My choice.
Lily carried rosary? Margaret left. Lily took maybe.
She said:
“Can I keep?”
“Yes.”
No object cursed.
Then Richard at funeral cried.
Carla beside.
Owen toddler.
Family continued.
Then Margaret’s will.
Modest savings split Richard and charity; small gifts granddaughters.
Nothing me.
Appropriate.
Then a letter.
She had left to me through lawyer.
Emily,
I spent years believing silence made family respectable.
Then:
It only made violence easier.
Then:
If anyone tells Lily or Sophie loyalty requires lying, I hope they remember I was wrong.
I kept for girls.
Then Richard completed supervision around same period.
No remaining criminal restrictions beyond family court orders? Those had evolved.
He had paid restitution.
No new offenses.
His marriage stable.
This was uncomfortable but good.
Then daughters became adults.
Lily eighteen.
Sophie sixteen.
Family court orders phased.
Lily chose contact schedule herself.
Sophie still under.
No issue.
Then at Lily graduation, Richard and I both attended.
Carla.
Owen.
Amy.
We sat separate.
After, Lily wanted photo:
Me.
Richard.
Sophie.
No Carla first? Then another with whole.
I agreed.
In photo, Richard stood two feet away.
No touch.
Lily later posted.
I did not care.
Then she asked:
“Are you guys friends now?”
“No.”
“Enemies?”
“No.”
“What?”
May you like
“Your parents.”
That was enough.
