Chapter 17 - Richard Comes Out
Richard was released after six years and three months under supervision.
The seven and a half year sentence allowed credits and release structure.
He had to live at approved address.
No weapons.
No alcohol? Maybe not necessarily.
No contact with me.
Child contact by family court only.
Employment.
Treatment.
He found warehouse logistics job through reentry program.
Not management.
He had lost old career.
He did not ask me for help.
Good.
Then family court review.
He requested gradual unsupervised time with daughters.
I opposed initially.
Evaluator reviewed prison treatment, prior conduct, children wishes.
Lily now twelve.
Sophie ten.
Lily:
“I want see him but not sleep there.”
Sophie:
“I want dinner.”
The court allowed supervised community visits first.
No overnights.
No direct contact with me; parenting app through approved third party.
First in person.
I was not in room.
Richard cried.
Lily remained stiff.
Sophie hugged.
He gave no gifts beyond books.
Then asked:
“Can we go park?”
Supervisor.
Yes.
After, girls came home.
Lily:
“He looks old.”
I laughed.
“He’s forty something.”
“To me old.”
Then:
“Did you feel safe?”
“Yes.”
“Want again?”
“Yes.”
Then six months.
No violations.
Daytime unsupervised allowed with check ins.
No driving initially? He had license, okay after evaluation.
Then one issue.
He told Lily:
“I lost years.”
She said:
“Because Mom.”
He corrected quickly:
“No. Because me.”
She told therapist.
Good.
Then parenting expanded.
Not because I forgave.
Because evidence of current safety.
Still no overnights for another year.
Then Richard requested mediated apology to me.
I declined.
He accepted.
A year later, asked again.
I considered.
I did not want spend life managing avoidance.
I agreed one meeting with mediator.
He entered.
Same face.
More gray.
No polo.
“Emily.”
“Richard.”
He cried.
I did not.
“I’m sorry.”
I waited.
“I blamed you for daughters.”
“Yes.”
“I hit you.”
“Yes.”
“I taught Mom to lie.”
“Sometimes she taught you.”
He nodded.
“Fair.”
Then:
“I used girls as reason you couldn’t leave.”
“Yes.”
“I scared you out of doctors.”
“Yes.”
Then pregnancy.
“I’m sorry you had to hide.”
Not:
Sorry you hid.
Good.
Then:
“I still think about twins.”
“So do I.”
“Do you think I caused?”
I breathed.
“I think your violence may have. Medicine can’t prove exact.”
He nodded.
“I live with possibility.”
“So do I.”
Then:
“Do you hate me?”
“Not all time.”
He smiled sadly.
Then:
“Do you forgive?”
“No.”
His face fell.
I continued:
“Not today.”
He nodded.
No pressure.
Then:
“Can we parent safely?”
“We can try with court structure.”
Then:
“I will never come back.”
“I know.”
Good.
The meeting ended.
No hug.
Then daughters overnights eventually at Richard’s small apartment.
I panicked first.
Therapist.
Safety plan.
No Margaret overnight initially.
The girls returned.
Fine.
Richard followed.
Progress.
Then one day Sophie came home:
“Dad said he wants son someday.”
My body froze.
“Did he say from you?”
“No, like maybe remarried.”
Then:
“How did he say?”
“He said he used to think son would fix something in him, but now he doesn't want kids for that.”
Maybe growth.
Still.
I asked therapist to monitor.
No issue.
Then he dated a woman named Carla? Could complicate. Maybe later.
He disclosed criminal history before serious.
She had no children.
They eventually married years later? We can do later.
Then Margaret.
She and Richard reconciled limited.
He told her:
“You helped me hurt Emily.”
She accepted.
No blaming.
Then one day I realized girls could be with father without me shaking entire afternoon.
May you like
Not fully.
Enough.
