Chapter 10 - The First Time I Said It in Public
At protective order hearing, Richard’s lawyer asked:
“Mrs. Carter, did husband beat you every day?”
I said:
“Not with hands every day.”
The lawyer paused.
“Your original statement?”
“I said something happened every day. Physical assaults several times a week.”
“Is that change?”
“No.”
Then:
“Did you sometimes yell?”
“Yes.”
“Throw objects?”
“I threw a mug once.”
“Why?”
“He locked bedroom door and would not let me leave.”
“Did mug hit him?”
“No.”
“Did you slap?”
“Yes.”
“How many?”
“Once that I remember.”
“Push?”
“Yes.”
“Scratch?”
“Yes.”
“So you assaulted husband.”
“I used force sometimes.”
My lawyer hated? But truth.
Then:
“Why should court believe you were victim rather than mutual aggressor?”
I breathed.
“Because when I used force, it was usually to get away. The one slap that wasn't was wrong.”
Silence.
I would not make myself perfect.
Then:
“Did you ever apologize?”
“Yes.”
“Did Richard?”
“Yes.”
“So relationship conflict.”
“Apology does not make it equal.”
Then pregnancy.
“Why hide from husband?”
“Fear.”
“Had he ever harmed pregnancy before?”
“No known pregnancy.”
“Did he threaten unborn child?”
“No.”
“Then fear based on words.”
“And years of violence.”
Then:
“Did you tell clinic safe?”
“Yes.”
“So you lied to medical professional.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I was afraid of what happened if Richard learned I told.”
That answer repeated.
Then children.
“Did you ever tell them father dangerous?”
“Not before arrest.”
“Did you allow contact?”
“I followed court.”
Then:
“Do you want them to hate him?”
“No.”
“Do you hate?”
“Yes.”
The courtroom shifted.
I continued:
“Sometimes.”
No easy.
Then judge granted two year protective order subject later modification.
No contact with me.
Distance.
Firearms prohibition under order.
Supervised children.
Good.
Outside courthouse, reporters? Maybe local not huge. No need.
Then Amy asked:
“How did it feel saying hate?”
“Bad.”
“Why?”
“Because he was husband.”
Not now.
Then shelter transition.
I moved from confidential housing to rental apartment under my own lease.
New school district? Girls wanted old. We chose smaller nearby with safety.
No need hide forever.
Then work.
I returned part time.
Employer manager knew.
No judgment.
Richard had told coworkers I was unstable? Not my workplace.
Then financial card fraud.
The unauthorized card opened in my name had $11k.
Richard admitted in discovery he opened with marital info but claimed verbal permission.
I denied.
Prosecutor considered separate identity theft, but my divorce lawyer handled dispute and bank investigation.
Digital application from his device.
No recorded permission.
Bank removed liability after fraud investigation.
Could charge, but prosecutors prioritized violence. They referred financial case. Later plea maybe included.
Then Margaret.
Her plea negotiation.
She agreed plead guilty to witness tampering related coaching Lily and misdemeanor false statement, plus obstruction after backyard assault.
Prosecutor recommended probation with short jail? She did not physically assault but active coverup. Maybe 90 days jail plus probation.
She wanted no jail.
Judge later.
Before, she gave sworn factual basis:
Richard assaulted Emily.
She saw.
She did not intervene.
After Emily unconscious, she told Richard avoid ambulance because police.
She agreed to say stairs.
She instructed children.
She later sent cruel pregnancy message? She admitted through counsel? Not charged.
Then:
“Why?”
“To protect my son.”
Then:
“Did protecting him protect grandchildren?”
“No.”
That admission.
Then plea conditioned on truthful testimony against Richard.
He called her traitor.
Recorded jail? He was out. Through lawyers no.
He cut contact.
Margaret cried.
Still son.
Then she asked to see Lily/Sophie.
Family court said no unsupervised, possibly therapeutic letters only.
I said:
“They can decide with therapist.”
Not vengeance.
Then Lily wrote:
Grandma, why did you tell me Mommy killed babies?
Margaret’s response supervised:
I was angry and said something cruel that was not true.
Then:
You did nothing wrong.
Good.
Lily kept.
No visit yet.
Then Richard’s trial.
He rejected plea offering 5 to 7 years with admission repeated violence and obstruction.
He wanted probation.
No.
Trial.
I dreaded.
Not because evidence weak.
Because truth in public exhausts.
Then prosecutor said:
“We won’t ask you to say ‘every day’ if not precise.”
Good.
We would show incidents.
May you like
Not slogans.
The first witness would be Dr. Mitchell.
