Chapter 16 - Why Specter Had A Skull
Lily asked me about Specter after she could eat solid food again.
We were at home.
Soup had finally become optional.
She held black coin.
I had let her see.
“Why skull?”
“Reyes.”
“That explains nothing.”
“He said procurement fraud kills people eventually, so paperwork deserved skull.”
She laughed.
“Dramatic.”
“Very.”
Then:
“Did you ever kill anyone?”
Direct.
I answered.
“I served in combat and dangerous operations. I used force. Yes, people died in situations I was part of.”
She went quiet.
“Did you kill people for Specter?”
“Our mission was investigation and interdiction, not assassination.”
“That’s not answer.”
“On some operations I used lethal force when people were in immediate danger.”
Her eyes searched.
“How many?”
“I’m not giving a body count.”
“Why?”
“Because turning human deaths into numbers would teach you wrong thing.”
She looked down.
“Mom knew?”
“Yes.”
“Was she scared?”
“Sometimes.”
“Why marry?”
“Because she knew man outside job.”
Then:
“Why change name?”
“Operational privacy and later personal choice. Voss was legal family name from father. Walker was my mother’s. After retirement and security transition, I used Walker permanently.”
“Am I really Voss?”
“No. Your legal name always Walker.”
She smiled.
“Good. Voss sounds villain.”
“Rude.”
Then she became serious.
“Did Tyler attack because of you?”
“No.”
“He knew you.”
“His knowledge made intimidation more personal. But he attacked because of what you found and choices he made.”
She nodded slowly.
“I kept thinking if I had different dad.”
“No.”
“If I didn’t audit.”
“No.”
“If I just gave bag.”
“No.”
She cried.
I sat.
Then:
“You know what worst part was?”
“What?”
“When Brandon held me, I thought maybe Ethan was going to kill me.”
I closed eyes.
“But they didn’t say that.”
“No.”
“Still felt.”
“Yes.”
That mattered.
Trauma is not only what offender intended.
Then she said:
“I need you not turn into guy who solves everything.”
I laughed weakly.
“I’m failing.”
“You called half Pentagon.”
“Three people.”
“Same.”
Then:
“I need Dad.”
“I’m here.”
And I stayed.
May you like
Specter could investigate without me.
That was harder than leading.
