Chapter 15 - Julian’s Letters
Julian wrote Elise letters from prison.
Not directly to her.
Through me and a child therapist.
Most were appropriate.
Dear Elise,
Today I learned how to make bread in the kitchen job. I hope you like bread more than I do.
Simple.
No guilt.
No:
Daddy is trapped because Mommy.
If any letter crossed line, I withheld.
One did.
I am counting the days until we are a family again.
No.
I wrote through counsel:
Do not promise family reunification.
He corrected.
Years passed.
Elise knew Daddy lived “far away because he made dangerous choices and the court said he had to stay there.”
Age appropriate.
At four, she asked:
“Did he hurt you?”
“Yes.”
“Did he hurt me?”
“He put you in danger before you were born.”
She touched my stomach.
“I was in there.”
“Yes.”
“Did I cry?”
“I don’t know.”
She thought.
“Do you hate him?”
“No.”
That surprised me when I said it.
Not anymore.
Anger had burned down to caution.
“Do you love him?”
“Part of me remembers loving him.”
Children accept complicated truths if adults do not make them responsible.
At six, Elise began supervised video herself.
Julian looked older.
She asked:
“Why did you go to jail?”
He looked at supervisor.
Then answered approved truth:
“I helped people frighten your mom and put both of you in danger because I cared more about money and control than safety.”
Elise frowned.
“That’s dumb.”
“Yes.”
“Do you still?”
“No.”
“How do I know?”
“You don’t yet.”
That answer impressed me.
Maybe therapy worked.
Maybe prison.
Maybe age.
May you like
I would not rewrite him as good.
People can change without undoing.
