Chapter 12 - Julian’s Voice
I waited until Matthew was asleep.
Then I opened the drive.
No encryption.
One video.
Julian sat in our old living room.
Thinner.
Chemo had begun.
He wore the gray sweater I buried him in.
“Clara.”
I cried before he said anything else.
“I hope Edward gave you this without making it complicated.”
I laughed through tears.
“Sorry.”
His recorded smile appeared.
“I know your family.”
Even dying, he knew.
Then:
“This is not evidence. Reed has what he needs if the case survives.”
He thought Reed had everything.
He did not know Ellison intercepted duplicate.
“I need you to hear something from me instead of from a report.”
I held my breath.
“I did not tell you about Monroe Freight because I was afraid you would think I was asking you to choose between me and your family.”
He looked down.
“That was unfair.”
Yes.
“I made the choice for you.”
Everyone had.
Then:
“I also knew you would stand beside me, and I was scared of what that could put on you while Matthew was still so little.”
He coughed.
Paused.
“Maybe that sounds noble. Some of it was cowardice. I did not want the last months we had to become interrogations and surveillance.”
I closed my eyes.
He wanted husband.
Father.
Not source.
Then:
“My cancer is cancer. Please do not let anyone turn it into a mystery because of this case.”
I cried harder.
Julian knew me too well.
Then:
“If Helen ever says I hated her, that isn’t true.”
That surprised me.
“I was angry with her. I was disappointed in Edward. I was frightened for Valerie.”
Then:
“Valerie made choices she will have to own. She is also young enough that I hope somebody gives her a chance to stop making them.”
He was kinder than I felt.
Then:
“Jason is dangerous because he makes bad decisions feel temporary.”
Accurate.
“Sloane is dangerous because he makes them feel professional.”
Even more accurate.
Then he smiled.
“And you, Clara, are dangerous because you notice when people underestimate you.”
My hand covered my mouth.
At that time, my family already thought my military career was boring.
Julian knew better.
“You’ll probably end up doing something classified just to spite everybody.”
I laughed aloud.
He had no idea how right he was.
Then Matthew.
His face softened.
“Tell him I didn’t leave.”
My breathing stopped.
“He won’t understand cancer for a long time. Maybe he’ll think I chose work. Maybe somebody cruel will tell him I chose not to stay.”
Dylan’s words.
Julian somehow anticipated ordinary cruelty, not exact event.
“Tell him I would have stayed for every scraped knee, every terrible school concert and every toy car race if my body had let me.”
I wiped my eyes.
Then:
“The red car is just a toy to him. Keep it that way as long as you can.”
Too late.
But we could make it a toy again.
Then his final words:
“Clara, promise me he’ll know I loved him.”
The same promise he made aloud the night he died.
I whispered to the screen:
“I promise.”
Then Julian leaned toward camera.
“One more thing.”
I froze.
“If Edward gives you this, then maybe he finally found courage.”
His expression became serious.
“Ask him why he canceled the Mesa audit.”
I stared.
Canceled?
May you like
My father had confessed to falsifying one report.
Apparently there was more.
