Chapter 19 - Diane’s Apology
Mom’s first apology was terrible.
Dear Rebecca,
I’m sorry you interpreted the portrait as an attack.
I stopped.
Deleted email.
No response.
Second:
I’m sorry things got out of hand over the house.
No.
Third came six months later.
No “but.”
No explanation.
Dear Ella,
Your mother may decide you should not read this yet.
That was good start.
I removed you from a photograph because I was angry about things that had nothing to do with you.
I told myself it was about composition and family tradition. It wasn’t.
I was worried about a house and money and who would control them someday. Those were adult problems. I used you to hurt your mother.
You did not deserve that.
When you asked why you were gone, I should have said I was wrong. Instead, I told you there was not room.
There was room.
I made you feel unwanted.
I am sorry.
No request to visit.
No guilt.
No “Grandma is old.”
I gave letter to Ella’s therapist first.
Dr. Maya Ellis recommended letting Ella choose.
I told her:
“Grandma wrote you an apology. You can read it now, later, or never.”
“What does it say?”
“That she was wrong.”
“Does she ask me to visit?”
“No.”
“Can I read?”
We sat together.
Ella read silently.
At “There was room,” her eyes filled.
She folded letter.
“Can I keep it?”
“Yes.”
“Do I have to answer?”
“No.”
She put it in desk.
A month later, she wrote:
Grandma,
I read your letter. I’m still mad. I don’t want to come to your house yet.
Ella.
Mom replied through me:
I understand.
Nothing else.
That mattered.
Then Dad wrote Ella separately.
I am sorry I saw the portrait and chose not to ask questions. I was trying to keep peace. That made you pay for it.
Ella read.
“Grandpa’s apology is shorter.”
“He likes fewer words.”
She smiled.
“Can I see him?”
My heart tightened.
“Do you want?”
“Yes. Not Grandma yet.”
We met Dad for ice cream.
Public.
One hour.
He asked before hugging.
Ella said yes.
That was start.
May you like
Not full restoration.
A beginning.
