Chapter 20 - The Call I Finally Took
I called Rose one year later.
My choice.
Not Judith’s.
Not Ethan’s.
Not therapist.
I called because I realized I no longer imagined yelling.
Rose answered cautiously.
“Mara?”
“Yes.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes.”
Silence.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
Another silence.
Then she laughed nervously.
“Okay.”
“I got your request to apologize.”
“You don’t have to hear.”
“I know.”
She breathed.
“I’m sorry I took keys after you said no.”
Good start.
“I’m sorry I copied Joanne’s signature.”
Her voice broke.
“I’m sorry I used your name, your grief, your house, and Ethan’s habit of protecting me.”
No excuses.
“I’m sorry about bracelet.”
I said:
“You’ve said that before.”
“I know.”
“Why does bracelet bother you?”
“Because Joanne trusted me enough to let me help when she was sick.”
I closed eyes.
“And you used her signature.”
“Yes.”
“Did you ever think of her while doing it?”
Rose whispered:
“Yes.”
“What did you tell yourself?”
“That she would want house used.”
That was probably true.
But not without permission.
“I used pieces of truth to make lie feel okay.”
That sentence was good.
I said:
“I believe you.”
She cried.
“Does that mean…”
“No.”
She stopped.
“You cannot come to Blue Heron.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know if that changes.”
“I know.”
“I’m not asking Ethan to choose between us.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m not going to pretend nothing happened at holidays.”
“I understand.”
Then I asked:
“Why did you call me weak?”
She took long time.
“Because you were kind.”
My throat tightened.
“I thought kind people didn’t enforce consequences.”
“And?”
“I was wrong.”
Yes.
We ended after twenty minutes.
No hug.
No dramatic sister bond.
I told Ethan.
He asked:
“How do you feel?”
“Fine.”
“That’s anticlimactic.”
May you like
“Good.”
Healing should be.
