Chapter 19 - Ruby Meets Vanessa
I did not want.
Ruby was eighteen.
I could advise.
Not forbid.
We arranged through mediator in professional office.
No private.
Vanessa agreed.
I sat in adjacent room by Ruby’s request, not inside.
Ruby wore glasses.
Brown teddy bear? No. Mr. Buttons stayed home.
Vanessa entered.
Older.
No trendy entitlement.
Plain blouse.
She sat.
“Hi.”
Ruby:
“Hi.”
Then silence.
Vanessa cried first.
Ruby did not comfort.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
Then:
“Do you remember?”
“Everything.”
“Good.”
Not:
I wish you didn't.
Then Ruby:
“Why cake?”
Vanessa laughed sadly.
“It was never cake.”
“Then what?”
“I thought anything I wanted should remain mine and anyone who crossed me deserved punishment.”
Then:
“I was angry at your mom too.”
“Why?”
“She stopped being afraid of me after you were born.”
Interesting.
Vanessa explained.
Megan used to accommodate.
After Ruby, I set boundaries.
Left Christmas.
Refused yelling around child.
Vanessa saw Ruby as reason she lost control over sister.
“That’s not your fault.”
Ruby:
“I know.”
Then:
“Did you hate me?”
“No.”
“Did you love me?”
“Yes.”
Ruby stared.
“That's worse.”
Vanessa nodded.
“I know.”
Then:
“Why threaten kill?”
“I said things to scare people because fear made them easier.”
“Did you mean?”
“No.”
“Did Grandma know?”
“Yes.”
“Why did she help?”
“You need ask her, but I think she was more afraid of losing us than of what I was doing.”
Ruby:
“They went jail because you.”
Vanessa:
“They went because of their choices too.”
Good.
Then eye.
Ruby removed glasses.
Her left eye looked mostly normal, slight asymmetry.
“I can’t see your face with this eye.”
Vanessa broke.
“I know.”
“No, look.”
Vanessa looked.
Ruby covered right eye.
“You’re a blur.”
Vanessa sobbed.
Ruby:
“I wanted you to know.”
Then:
“Do you forgive?”
Vanessa did not ask. Ruby offered:
“I don’t.”
Vanessa nodded.
“Okay.”
Then:
“I might someday.”
“Okay.”
Then:
“Do you have kids?”
“No.”
“Want?”
“I don’t know. I would not have children unless I trusted myself and professionals thought I was stable enough.”
Careful not to imply professionals license parenthood. She could say she doesn’t plan currently.
Ruby:
“Good.”
Then:
“Can I leave?”
“Yes.”
Vanessa did not ask hug.
Ruby stood.
At door:
“Aunt Vanessa.”
She turned.
“I did love cake.”
Vanessa laughed through tears.
“I know.”
Ruby left.
In hallway, she collapsed into me.
Not physically.
Cried.
“I thought I’d feel bigger.”
“You’re already you.”
Then:
“Do you hate I went?”
“No.”
Lie? I had feared, but not hate.
Then:
“Would you see again?”
“Maybe years.”
That was enough.
Vanessa never assumed meeting meant relationship.
No gifts.
May you like
No texts.
Respecting no was her first real proof of change.
