Chapter 15 - The Apartment
For almost a year after trials, I could not stay in Atlanta apartment.
I rented it through management company to corporate tenants.
Every time work brought me to Atlanta, I chose hotel.
Rebecca noticed.
“Why?”
“It feels contaminated.”
“No lien ever attached.”
“I know.”
“This is not legal question.”
“No.”
Therapy helped.
My therapist asked:
“What does apartment mean?”
“My mother.”
Then:
“Safety.”
Then:
“Proof something is mine.”
“Do you need prove?”
“No.”
But my nervous system disagreed.
One weekend, I drove to Atlanta alone.
No work.
I unlocked door.
The apartment looked exactly same.
Gray sofa.
Blue rug.
My mother’s framed library card above desk.
City windows.
No Chloe.
No bank.
No Southline.
I stood in kitchen.
Then walked to bedroom.
Opened closet.
Empty.
No one had occupied.
I cried anyway.
Then I called Maya.
“I’m here.”
“How feel?”
“Stupid.”
“Not allowed.”
“Annoying.”
“Better.”
I stayed one night.
Then two.
Later resumed using for projects.
Not because reclaiming must look dramatic.
Because hotel bills were stupid when I owned apartment.
Then divorce final financial accounting.
The joint Memphis townhouse sold.
Southline transfers charged to Luke’s division.
No claim against my business.
No claim against Atlanta.
I returned to maiden surname? My name in prompt Hannah Ross. Could keep Ross? If divorced maybe use Hannah Pierce? But user specified Hannah Ross. Better remain Hannah Ross professionally because brand established. Or her maiden maybe Hannah Reed. Yet character identity should stay Hannah. We can say she chose keep Ross professionally because design firm known. No need change.
I considered changing surname.
Then decided no.
“Hannah Ross Interiors” had been my company before marriage? Wait Ross from marriage, then no. Could have company "Hannah Carter Design" but not established. Better say I had rebranded early marriage. To avoid, simply keep Hannah Ross because surname is mine now too, not just his. Good.
Then Luke’s prison letters.
First arrived three months in.
Hannah,
I keep thinking about plate.
I almost laughed.
Not bank.
Plate.
He wrote:
I watched you cradle burned wrist and still expected you to serve because I was trained to see keeping Mom calm as everyone else’s job.
Then:
The fraud was same thing with more zeroes.
Powerful.
He said:
I thought if you resisted long enough, Mom or me or Chloe could make you give in.
Then:
I did not think of that as coercion because we called it family.
I kept.
Did not answer.
Second:
I didn’t need your apartment.
I wanted to rescue Southline because I could not admit first project failed.
Pride.
Then:
I chose your safety net because mine was already gone.
There.
Third:
I am not asking back.
Good.
Then:
I hope one day you can believe the years before were not fake.
That hurt.
They were not.
I knew.
Then Chloe’s letters.
She did not write me.
Good.
Oscar sent one apology through Rebecca:
I should have spoken directly to you before relying on Luke. I am sorry.
I accepted acknowledgment.
No friendship.
Then Brenda.
No letters first year.
Then one.
Hannah,
I’m learning the difference between needing help and believing someone owes it.
I read.
No response.
Then Walter’s health improved.
He told me he had stopped giving adult children unrestricted access to financial accounts.
Good.
Then at my design firm, a new client asked if I had any Atlanta properties they could photograph for magazine.
I looked at apartment listing.
For first time, I said yes.
The apartment appeared in a design publication.
Credit:
Interior Design by Hannah Ross.
No Luke.
No Chloe.
No family.
Mine.
Then a year later, Luke became eligible for release under normal credits.
Victim notification arrived.
I stared at date.
May you like
I was not afraid he would come after me.
I was afraid of what I might feel when he was no longer behind a wall.
