Chapter 18 - Lucas Asks Why
Lucas was sixteen when he asked:
“Why did you marry her?”
No soft version.
We were driving.
Nora elsewhere.
I said:
“Because I was grieving and Patricia was helpful.”
“That's not reason marry.”
“No.”
“Did you love?”
“Yes.”
He looked out window.
“That's gross.”
I laughed despite.
“Fair.”
Then:
“Did you know Mom Emily and Patricia fought?”
“Some.”
“And still?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I believed Patricia’s version that grief made Emily suspicious.”
Lucas frowned.
“So you trusted wrong person.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Because Patricia was calm when Emily emotional.
Because Helen supported Patricia.
Because I liked peace.
Because grief wanted someone who already knew family.
I said all.
Then Lucas:
“Did you marry because we needed mom?”
Partly.
People told me children needed woman.
I believed.
“Yes, that influenced.”
“That was stupid.”
“Yes.”
Then:
“We needed dad.”
I almost drove off road emotionally.
“Yes.”
He looked at me.
“You came back.”
“I should've stayed more before.”
“I know.”
Then silence.
No absolution.
Later he asked about three days.
“Did Ava really feed me crackers?”
“Yes.”
“Do I owe her?”
“No.”
“She saved me.”
“She helped you survive. You can love her. You do not owe your life.”
That mattered.
Then Lucas’s relationship with food.
By sixteen normal enough.
He loved baking because chemistry.
He applied culinary institute.
I worried privately.
Did not make him explain trauma.
He said:
“Dad, bread.”
Fine.
At twenty-two he opened bakery with friend.
Not family empire.
Small.
Called “Second Rise” because dough, not survival. He insisted.
I laughed.
Ava accused symbolism.
He said:
“Shut up.”
Sibling normal.
Then Ava’s adult relationship with Helen.
She had limited contact until Helen died.
After funeral, Ava felt guilty.
“I didn't call enough.”
I said:
“Did you want to?”
“No.”
“Then guilt is not instruction.”
Therapy line.
Then Patricia’s release eligibility eventually.
When Ava thirty-five, Lucas thirty-one, Patricia sixty-three, she became eligible for discretionary parole after serving substantial term? Depending state; if fixed sentence with credits, maybe release near 62. Let's say she served 25 years before supervised release eligibility due sentence structure/credits. Could be.
Victim services contacted both adult children.
Ava opposed? Maybe she said no opinion. Lucas opposed? Need nuanced.
They wrote:
We do not request extended incarceration for our emotional comfort, but we request no-contact conditions.
Good.
Parole board considered behavior, offense severity, risk.
Patricia was denied first.
Two years later, approved transition near end of sentence to supervised release at sixty-five.
She had served about twenty-seven years.
No magical early.
Conditions:
No contact with Parker family unless initiated/approved.
No work with children.
Supervision.
I was sixty-five.
Nora asked:
“Scared?”
“Some.”
Security plan.
No dramatics.
Patricia did not contact.
She moved to another county.
Worked part-time in a warehouse inventory office.
No media.
No new crime.
Then after two years, she sent through victim services one message:
I will not ask to see you. I wanted you to know I understand no contact.
I did not reply.
That was enough.
She died at sixty-nine from cancer? Could be four years later. Maybe not yet. Need final closure. We can have later.
Before death, she left a recorded confession? No. Case already closed.
No last twist.
Then Lucas asked:
“Do you forgive her?”
“No.”
Ava:
“I think I do.”
Different.
Both allowed.
May you like
Then me.
I realized I did not need same answer as children.
