Chapter 12 - What Gertrude Told Spencer
Gertrude was released first.
She served approximately three years and five months.
Age sixty-eight.
Supervised probation.
No contact with Paisley.
No contact with me.
She moved into a small apartment.
Howard did not take her back.
Their marriage ended in divorce during incarceration.
No dramatic asset seizure.
They sold jointly owned home.
Split net proceeds under divorce settlement.
Retirement handled.
No alimony beyond limited arrangement? Could be. They were long married, likely retirement division. Fine.
Gertrude lived on her share, Social Security, modest pension.
Not homeless.
Brenda allowed written contact with Toby only after therapist guidance and her choice.
No in-person initially.
Spencer remained incarcerated another few months.
Gertrude requested prison visit.
He accepted.
I knew only later through his therapist/probation records in custody evaluation.
What did she say?
According to Spencer’s own later statement:
“I knew exactly what I was doing.”
He asked:
“What?”
She said:
“When I threw coffee, I wanted it to hit her.”
Then:
“I did not mean her face.”
That distinction.
She claimed she aimed toward Paisley’s hand/upper body to scare.
Hot coffee is still dangerous.
Then:
“You told me teach her.”
Spencer said:
“I told you not hurt.”
Gertrude:
“And I ignored that.”
Then:
“Stop using me to pretend you were innocent after.”
Harsh.
Then:
“You saw what I did and lied.”
There.
Spencer asked:
“Why?”
She answered:
“Because I wanted Emma to know I could correct her child whether she liked it or not.”
Control.
Not property.
Not inheritance.
Not secret motive.
Then:
“I was tired of that toddler reaching for everything.”
A two-year-old.
Spencer later said this conversation made him stop blaming wording.
His mother had chosen.
He had chosen after.
Separate.
When Spencer was released after about three years with credits, family court did not automatically restore shared custody.
He entered supervised reentry.
Employment:
His previous company had terminated him after conviction.
He found warehouse/logistics sales support position later.
No father's company.
No blacklisting forever.
He paid child support under recalculated order.
Supervised visits continued.
Paisley was six.
First in-person after release:
Professional center.
Dr. Ellis consulted.
Paisley knew:
Dad had been “away because he broke important rules after Grandma hurt her.”
Age appropriate.
Spencer entered room.
He looked older.
She hid behind chair.
He stopped.
“Hi, Paisley.”
“Hi.”
Then silence.
He did not approach.
She asked:
“Are you going back?”
“To where?”
“Jail.”
“No.”
Then:
“Did you burn me?”
His face crumpled.
“No.”
“Did Grandma?”
“Yes.”
“Did you tell her?”
He froze.
Children find center.
He answered:
“I told Grandma to teach you a lesson. I should not have.”
“Did you tell coffee?”
“No.”
Then:
“Did you lie?”
“Yes.”
She looked at therapist.
Then:
“Why?”
Spencer swallowed.
“Because I was scared Grandma would get in trouble and scared Mom would leave me.”
Paisley:
“Mom left anyway.”
“Yes.”
Then:
“Because you lied?”
“Partly.”
She nodded.
Then played.
At end, Spencer asked:
“Can I hug?”
“No.”
He said:
“Okay.”
That was biggest evidence of change so far.
No argument.
Then visits every other week, supervised.
Months later, Paisley hugged first.
Not reconciliation complete.
Step.
Then family court review.
Evaluator:
Spencer accepted responsibility.
No new violations.
Stable housing/job.
Appropriate supervised visits.
Continued therapy.
Recommended gradual transition to unsupervised daytime visits after another six months, with strict no Gertrude contact during parenting time and right-of-first-refusal to Emma for childcare.
I was terrified.
But evidence-based.
I agreed to trial.
First unsupervised:
Two hours at library and park.
Spencer texted only necessary.
Returned on time.
Paisley came home:
“We got ice cream.”
I inspected emotionally for danger.
None.
Then:
“Did Daddy talk Grandma?”
“No.”
“Did he make you keep secrets?”
“No.”
Good.
Months:
Longer days.
No overnights yet.
Then one day Paisley said:
“Daddy said Grandma wrote him.”
My heart tightened.
“What did he tell you?”
“Nothing. I saw envelope.”
Okay.
No concealment.
Then Spencer asked through parenting app:
Would you object if, years from now and only if Paisley requests, there is a professionally supervised contact with Gertrude?
I stared.
Not:
Mom deserves.
Not:
You’re keeping family apart.
He asked future.
I replied:
Paisley decides when developmentally appropriate. Not now.
He wrote:
Agreed.
That was the first conversation in seven years where he accepted my no without argument.
I did not mistake it for restored marriage.
But it mattered for fatherhood.
Then Howard died? Not yet. We can later.
Then Paisley’s school project asked family tree.
She put:
Mom.
Dad.
Grandpa Robert.
Grandpa Howard.
Aunt Brenda.
Uncle Douglas.
Cousin Toby.
She left Gertrude blank.
Teacher asked privately if she wanted help.
Paisley said:
“She’s alive. I just don’t see her.”
Fine.
No forced inclusion.
Then at age eight, she asked to read “the coffee video.”
I said no.
Not yet.
She was angry.
“It happened to me.”
True.
Dr. Ellis recommended age-appropriate summary now, raw recording later if she still wanted as older teen/adult.
We explained:
Phone captured voices.
Helped adults know truth.
It is not something she needs to watch to prove anything.
She accepted reluctantly.
Then:
“Did Daddy say do it?”
There.
Someone had told.
Maybe overheard family.
I answered honestly.
“Yes.”
“What did he mean?”
“He said he meant Grandma should correct you, not burn you.”
“Do you believe?”
“I believe he did not intend you to be burned.”
Then:
“But he wanted Grandma to scare you.”
“Yes.”
She went quiet.
Then:
“That's mean.”
“Yes.”
No defense.
She still went to scheduled visit next week.
May you like
Children can love accurately.
That was something Gertrude had never learned.
