Chapter 13 - Where Is Dad?
Noah asked at three and a half.
“Where’s Daddy?”
He had seen photographs.
I had not erased Travis.
One wedding photo remained in family album because Noah existed inside that history even if not pictured yet.
I said:
“Daddy lives somewhere else.”
“Why?”
“He hurt Mommy and made unsafe choices.”
“Did he hurt me?”
“No.”
True.
“He was rough around you and scared you when you were tiny, but doctors said you were not injured.”
No details about bathroom.
Not yet.
Then:
“Does Daddy love me?”
“I think he does.”
That answer was mine to give cautiously.
Then Travis’s release plan.
He would live in a rented apartment.
Return to work eventually? His old employer terminated after conviction. He completed vocational program and had a job offer as warehouse scheduling coordinator through reentry connection.
No alcohol issue.
No drugs.
Continued domestic-violence intervention.
Psychological evaluation.
Family court.
Travis petitioned for therapeutic reunification.
I opposed unsupervised access.
Did I oppose any contact?
At first, yes.
GAL Maya Benson interviewed.
She said:
“Emma, court will look at Noah’s safety and interests, not whether Travis has suffered enough.”
“I know.”
“Do you have evidence of violence after incident?”
“He’s been incarcerated.”
“Exactly.”
I hated.
Then prior Sophie history.
Family court could consider prior parenting record.
Travis had stopped supervised visits with Sophie years earlier.
Now, however, he had completed treatment and was requesting structured contact.
Mara did not want Sophie involved.
She provided records through counsel only.
No testimony from Sophie.
Good.
Evaluator noted:
Pattern of postpartum partner violence.
Prior abandonment of supervised parenting relationship.
Current accountability improved.
High concern for coercive control toward mothers.
No evidence of direct physical abuse of children.
Recommendation:
If contact begins, therapeutic supervised visitation only.
No direct handoffs.
No overnight.
No access to Emma’s home/address beyond what already public/necessary.
No communication through Noah.
Continued treatment.
Review after one year.
I could live with that.
Barely.
Then Richard? No, not this story. Grace was my support.
Grace said:
“You don’t have to like it.”
“I don’t.”
“Good.”
First visit.
Noah four.
Family center.
Travis arrived early.
No gifts beyond one small picture book approved.
Noah walked in holding a toy truck.
Travis stood.
Supervisor said:
“Sit.”
He did.
Noah stared.
“You’re Daddy?”
“Yes.”
“You were in jail?”
Travis swallowed.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I hurt your mom and did unsafe things.”
Noah:
“Did Mom hit you?”
My heart stopped though I was in separate room later hearing report.
Travis answered:
“She hit my leg after I grabbed her. She was trying to get to you.”
Truth.
Then:
“Grandma Lorraine says Mommy is mean?”
“No.”
That surprised.
Noah had never met Lorraine since infancy. How know? Maybe from a card? Better not. Remove. Instead Noah asks:
“Do you sleep here?”
No.
He asked:
“Do you yell?”
Travis:
“I used to. I’m working not to.”
Good.
Forty-five minutes.
At end, Noah did not hug.
Said:
“Bye.”
Then asked me for chicken nuggets.
Normal.
Visits every other week.
Then monthly community supervised.
Travis complied.
No direct communication with me.
Parenting app limited to logistics through coordinator.
Then one violation.
Not legal violation exactly.
At six-month visit, Travis told Noah:
“Grandma Lorraine misses you.”
Supervisor stopped.
“That topic is not approved.”
Travis apologized.
Report.
Court warned:
Do not recruit child into adult relationships.
No suspension because one corrected incident.
Then Lorraine.
She had completed probation and requested supervised grandparent contact.
I said no.
Could she petition?
Maybe, but standing limited.
She did not.
She wrote:
“I will not take you to court.”
Good.
Then Sophie.
At twelve, she asked Mara if she could meet Noah.
Noah was four and a half.
Mara called.
I hesitated.
Then:
“Only if Sophie wants.”
She did.
We met at a public botanical garden.
No Travis.
No Lorraine.
Sophie looked like him around eyes.
That hit me.
She knelt.
“Hi, Noah.”
He hid behind me.
She gave him a dinosaur sticker.
He took.
Later, they fed fish.
No trauma conversation.
Half-siblings.
Not evidence.
Then Sophie asked me privately:
“Did Dad hurt you too?”
Mara had told age-appropriate truth.
I said:
“Yes.”
She looked away.
“Do you hate him?”
“No.”
That answer surprised me as I said it.
I did not forgive yet.
But hatred had become too exhausting.
Then she whispered:
“I don’t want to see him.”
“That is between you, your mom, and court if needed.”
She nodded.
Travis did not seek renewed contact with Sophie.
Why?
He wrote her one letter through Mara.
She declined.
He stopped.
This time, he respected no.
May you like
That mattered.
And for the first time, I wondered whether the man who had treated two women’s exits as betrayal might actually be learning what a closed door meant.
